Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Girl Named Disappointed

So, my girls are in a "stage" where they don't like to listen. By "stage" I mean "childhood". Tonight started off well, but by the end of the night I was at the end of my rope. After telling them to brush their teeth no less than 9 times, Kylie went in the bathroom with stuffed toys (why not?) and of course, dropped one in the toilet. She was crying and crying, I told her I would wash it and toys don't belong in the bathroom. I took it into the laundry room and came back, and they had somehow covered the entire counter with toothpaste and water, and soaked 5 towels in water and said toothpaste. At this point I completely lost my temper and yelling and spanking ensued. Now, I'm not proud of this, but it happened. I feel there's this stigma with moms that we are supposed to be perfect and have endless patience, and make perfect Pinterest recipes every day, and go to school functions, plan perfect birthday parties, have perfectly clean houses, laundry done, dinner made...all while working 40+ hours a week! Today, for me, I've been sick, I'm tired, with work stress and everything else, I took it out on my kids. I debated whether or not to talk about this private part of my day, but you can judge me if you want - I wanted to share it so other moms that this happens to don't feel like I did afterwards. Like the worst mom in the world. 

Then this happened. I was putting Kylie to bed, and I had tears in my eyes from the guilt and frustration. She asked if I was crying and I told her I'm sorry I yelled at her, I shouldn't have done that. She says "Well, when I need to stop crying I just calm myself, and breathe in and out. You should try that" Be still my heart. Then when putting Claire to bed she says "You need to feel better. I will give you a hug and a kiss so you feel better". Okay, so that made me feel better and worse. I have these wonderful little girls with such big hearts that love me, and forgive me that easily for committing an awful crime in motherhood. I love those little girls more than life itself, and that's why I feel so crappy for taking my frustration out on them like that. I then turned to my favorite blog for some words of healing, and read this post:

Finding Joy - What if sometimes you don't like motherhood?

And it of course spoke to me, like her blog always does. I read her "Dear Mom" posts almost daily, because she is so real and honest. That's what inspired me to talk about the bad days as well as the good, in hopes that I can provide healing and encouraging words to a mom that's reading this. I know tomorrow will be better. That's the awesome thing about kids - when they wake up tomorrow they will have forgiven and forgotten, and I get a fresh start. Being a mom is hard enough without all the added outside pressures to be perfect. 

On a related note, I would love to start a local group (Springfield, MO) of moms that get together once a month and eat dinner, have drinks, and talk. We don't even have to talk about being moms, or our kids (but we can if we want!) I would just love to have a support group, and provide support to other moms as well. If you are interested, please comment below, or if we're friends on Facebook, message me! Us moms have to stick together, and let each other know that we are perfect, at least in our children's eyes! And our kids don't care about Pinterest, or a perfectly clean house, they care about us spending time with them, paying attention to them. They just want us to be their mom. 

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Girl Named Speechless

I know, anyone that knows me knows I'm never speechless. I haven't written for a LONG time, mainly because I don't know what to write about. I don't want to be too bragadocious about my life, and I hesitate to share too many intimate details of my life and my family's life, so I feel that I've run out of topics! Here is an overview of what's been happening:

I registered for a half-marathon (yikes) on April 13th in Kansas City. Pete is doing it with me (not that it matters, because he doesn't run with me) but I am really nervous. There is a time limit on this race (I curse Crystal for convincing me to sign up for this one, then backing out!) and I'm not sure I can make it in the time limit. I am running a 15k this weekend (9.32 miles) and am also very nervous (although there is no time limit on this one, whew!) My last long run was 7.5 miles, and was the worst run of my life. I have never had a run where I literally wondered if I would make it back home, or if Pete would have to come pick me up. I made it home...very slowly. I had a sinus infection, lack of sleep, and strong winds were the perfect cherry on top. I've started antibiotics and feel MUCH better, but am wondering if I'm ready to tackle 9 miles yet. I wish I had one more week. It's so hard to overcome those doubts and voices telling me I can't do it, I'm too fat, I'm not athletic, why would I ever think I could do something like this, I'll come in last, everyone will laugh at me, I will pass out, I will die, etc. etc. I am terrified of this race.  

We registered Kylie for kindergarten (gasp), she will start this fall. We have her orientation April 10th, and I can't believe it. She's so funny though, she knows I am (like a typical mom) in disbelief that she's that old, so when I mention it she says "We aren't supposed to talk about me going to kindergarten, because it makes you sad". Be still my heart. It's so cliche, but I honestly don't know how they grow up so fast. Claire is almost 3, and talking SO much, telling stories, singing songs, and it seems like she was just born too. Such is life. 
4 1/2 going on 16

My job is going great, after being there a year in January I finally feel like I've gotten into the groove and everything is going smoothly (knock on wood). I enjoy what I do, and am so thankful to have found this job when I did! 

I was recently honored with being selected as one of the Springfield Business Journal's 40 Under 40 2013 Class. They put a nice article in their publication, and Pete, Heather and Nathan accompanied me to a wonderful dinner and award ceremony where they presented all the honorees with beautiful hand-made glass awards. I was truly humbled by the experience. The other honorees were accomplished, entrepreneurs, philanthropists, successful members of society, I felt I didn't belong and it must be some mistake that I was chosen. I am proud of my accomplishments, but don't feel that they rank in the top 40 of Springfield's under 40 population! It was so amazing to be placed in the company of the other honorees.
My handsome husband and I at the 40 Under 40 dinner

Other than that, life has been pretty "normal". I count my blessings every day - that I have such awesome, healthy kids; an amazing husband; so many awesome friends and family that support me; a roof over my head; a good job; I am truly the luckiest girl alive. With that I'll leave you, and hopefully it won't be 3 months until my next post!